These 4 Cs are the foundation of healthy, fulfilling relationships
with our Selves and others.
I have a secret that I'm ready to share. Ready???
Your needs, wants, and desires for how you would like to experience relationships, intimacy, and sex are perfectly normal. So is how you identify as a sexual being!
Those two truths can be really hard to internalize after years of being barraged with neuro- and hetero- normative messages that the way you experience pleasure and engage in intimacy and relationships is wrong.
But you CAN experience ALL—yes, ALL—of it in ways that are true to you.
The 4 Cs—Care, Consent, Context, and Communication—are key to understanding your needs and self-advocating to create and experience the relationships—IN and OUT of the bedroom—that you desire AND deserve!
...aka Mama Pistachio—I'll share that story later.
A self-proclaimed nerd and avid role player (Amber, D&D, L5R, Deadlands...), I have always been passionate about creating a safe space for those who don't fit into the socially prescribed box—including neurodivergent and queer folks like myself. As a kid, then a teacher, and now as a coach, nurturing has always been "my thing"—my mom tells me that I was always the one taking care of everyone around me.
Cool...but I needed to know how to take care of me, too. That was a bit harder it seems...
When I was 15 years old, I was struggling and really wanted to understand myself, my sensory needs, and my sexuality better. I started asking questions—That did NOT go well!—and reading up on sex and sexuality. As years went by, I found myself exploring BDSM and understanding how misunderstood this "alternative" lifestyle is. I identified 4 key principles to BDSM—care, consent, context, and communication. These 4 principles are the foundation for healthy relationships in ALL of the spaces we are in and understanding them is the key to self-advocacy in each of those spaces.
Identify individual needs, wants, and desires
Take action toward your goals from a place of consent and integrity
Identify individual and shared needs, wants, & desires
Advocate for yourselves while supporting each other from a place of mutual consent
Understand real and perceived beliefs & boundaries about sex
Understand your desire type(s)
Define pleasure for yourself outside of the constraints of heteronormative social norms
If hearing "just breathe" sends you off a cliff...this is for you! Don’t let these little dragons fool you, this 18-page free guide is here to help you figure out exactly what you need to complete the stress response cycle and prevent burnout before it happens.