Decision fatigue is the real deal.
I swear to all that is holy…
If one more fucking person asks me to…
No, I DON’T know where your belt is!
I don’t know about you, but these are all statements similar to things I used to find myself saying at the end of a work day and the beginning of my second shift. You know, the one where you transition from a paying job to the non-paying one called Mom, Wife, Partner, Caretaker - all the work that womxn do when they are not actually “at work.”
And now, during this lovely pandemic, it is even worse because you are likely doing both shifts at the same time!
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not just womxn who experience this. Any person who makes a lot can and does at some point. It’s just that womxn experience it more often because they are generally the ones who are doing ALL THE THINGS. It’s how The Trick works!
AND...it has a name. Decision fatigue.
Social scientists have been studying this and, although it was originally regarding consumer spending, they are now able to identify patterns in people who regularly make a shitload - yep, that’s a real thing *wink*- of decisions throughout their day. Making decision after decision without having a break is equivalent to doing an endless amount of squats, then doing the leg press, and then going back to squats, and back to...well, you get the point. If you don’t rest the muscles, they get fatigued and no longer work. The same is true for our minds.
So, it’s not that you’re a bitch or that your partner is annoying or that you don’t love your dog. You just need to structure things a little differently so that you can be more resilient. You will be amazed at how much better you feel when you do.
How about this.
Now that you know what your decision making muscles need, put some practices into place to make sure those needs are being met.
Think about all the things that you have to make decisions about during your day. Things like your meals, what you will wear, the book that you are going to read to your son at bedtime, the movie you are going to watch with your partner, which computer your daughter is going to use for her zoom meeting, whether you are going to have sexy time, etc.
Now, make those decisions beforehand when your muscles aren’t already exhausted.
Yes, there is a real reason why meal planning works, my friend. You could:
✔️ Plan meals in advance.
✔️ Schedule pleasure activities with your partner - it doesn’t have to be sex, committing yourself to pleasure is so much better and more likely to be successful.
✔️ Delegate decisions to others.
✔️ Do the hardest shit - the shit that you don’t want to do, but that has to get done - first
✔️ Be okay with putting off decision making. If you haven’t given your decision making muscle a break, don’t make any decision that doesn’t absolutely have to be made.
✔️ Schedule in time for brain breaks (a short walk or 10 minute fitness break, watch funny videos that make you laugh, sext your partner, masturbate, play with the dog, have a dance party with the kids, anything that brings you pleasure and let’s you get back to that balanced feeling)
✔️ Have self-compassion. Sometimes shit happens, you get fatigued, and you snap. Acknowledge it. Say you’re sorry. Move on.
That’s not an exhaustive list, but it certainly can get you started!
And don’t forget that there is a whole village of womxn happy to give you more ideas if you are ready. Join the Village!