This self-care thing is bullshit.
High-end incense, $45.
3 bottles of wine, $35.91.
8 bath bombs, $67.60.
Wellness - Priceless!
Or is it?
Now, don’t think that I am bashing on you or anybody else for doing things, like luxuriating in the tub, that make you happy. Not at all. We should ALL do things that bring us pleasure and increase our happiness.
What I am bashing...screaming at...STOMPING on is the consumption of wellness in lieu of actually being fucking well. I have spent years doing it myself.
I have watched friends, families, students, and clients consume product after product in the name of “self-care.” And sometimes those products help.
In fact, all of those products CAN help, but NONE of them do if you aren’t ACTUALLY engaging in self-care. And many of us - including myself - get lost in the self-care hustle.
We spend time shopping, buying, consuming, and using. We make ourselves busy DOING self-care and it is fucking EXHAUSTING!
What if we stopped DOING wellness and started BEING Well?
Here’s the deal.
Obviously, many of us have a pretty fucked up view of what wellness means. If we didn’t, we wouldn’t be consuming wellness products at the rate we do. Instead, we would actually BE well.
So what does BEING well actually look like? According to Emily and Amelia Nagoski in their book, Burnout, self-care is NOT the answer. The answer is community, sisterhood, having people to count on, a VILLAGE!
And BANG! If your heart-rate increased, your throat closed up, your shoulders tightened, or you had the urge to stop reading right now, that tells me one thing. You NEED The Village! Those reactions say that it makes you feel unsafe - at the very least, uncomfortable - thinking about NEEDING people. That’s scary and vulnerable and I totally understand.
I used to be that girl. And all the while, I filled that void with rooms full of patchouli, smelly lotions, expensive products, magazines articles, and gratitude journals. Again, all good things, but if you don’t have PEOPLE, there is a void.
We NEED each other. We NEED to have a space where we feel safe to be and to share our true Selves with others. We NEED a space where we can SHOW UP, where we always get to take up all the space that we deserve to take up.
So, if you are chasing wellness by consuming it rather than participating in community so that you can actually BE well, it’s time to refocus your energy, my friend! It’s time to ask yourself if you are surrounded by YOUR PEOPLE. If you are actively participating in your chosen community. And, maybe you are still searching which is perfectly okay!
Now you know and you can start on your path to stop DOING wellness and start actually BEING well!
If you’re not already in the Village, get your ass over there! We need each other! Our wellness depends on it!