• Everyone calls me Mama Pistachio, well at least now they do! It all started when my students thought it was hilarious that my name rhymed with a nut. So in true youngling fashion, they began calling me “Ms. Pistachio” and more than a few called me “Mom.” But the story doesn’t end there. When my husband went to boot camp–Rah! Marine Corps!–he was a bit older than the rest of the guys so he was the “Papa” of the group. And so they started calling him “Papa Pistachio”, which obviously started me being called Mama. (Apparently he missed me and talked about me a lot. Sweet, right? I do kinda love him.👾) And so Mama Pistachio stuck–and honestly I love it. Everyday, it reminds me that I am loved by my community, and that they feel loved by me.

• The more you get to know me, the more you will say, “damn she’s weird”, “That was kinda awkward” and “fuck she’s so wise!”–it’s why my personal tagline is “awkward, weird, & wise.” 

• • Here’s the deal–I’m an autistic, queer, genderqueer woman, fat, asthmatic, little person with migraines + parent and wife of Marines. Suffice it to say, I have a different perspective about life than many others and that comes across in my interactions with them.

• • I don’t always look you in the eye, but I am always listening.

• • I am very intentional with my actions and with my words so I ask clarifying questions or take a pause before responding.

• • Simultaneously, I get very excited about some topics and am perfectly okay with being reminded that everyone around me may not be as excited about it as I am.

• • Finally, I educate through nerdom, because seriously everything just makes more sense outside of reality.

• • Overall, I’m just unapologetically me—this means that while I will genuinely apologize if an action of mine hurts or harms someone, I will never apologize for the human who I am.

• Things you will often hear me say: 

• • “Self-care is bullshit.” This is an oppressive, capitalistic societal construct that benefits wealthy individuals and harms everyone else. The premise of self-care as it is presented on good ol’ “White Woman’s Instagram” (thank you, Bo Burnham) is: if you have the money, you have access to wellness—aka, you deserve to be well. If you do not have money, then wellness is not something that you have access to—aka, you don’t deserve it. The answer is not self-care, it is care (Nagoski & Nagoski, 2019)

• • “[Work-life] Balance is bullshit.” It is literally impossible for you—or anyone else for that matter—to hold a plank (the exercise) forever. And you can’t balance your life 24-7, either. But multitudes of wellness and business coaches under the sun are screaming ““BALANCE”—I know, I used to be one of them. This is just more of that White Woman IG bs (Thank you Bo Burnham! PS, if this offends you, please understand that I have a dry sense of humor and go check out Bo’s film, “Inside” for context). 

• • • You CAN, however, achieve harmony. Rather than being rigid and trying to hold this perfect balance, what if you have the skills and ability—which can absolutely be learned—to proverbially weather the storm?

• • • Being resilient doesn’t mean that you struggle and sweat and force yourself to make it through a situation. Instead, it means: 

• • • • that you have supports in place to help you navigate situations when they arise

• • • • that you are working with and being supported by others when necessary and that all of you are in it together.

• • • If others are helping you with balance, it means that you are expected to build your strength to do it all on your own and, as I said before, self-care is not the way to go. With care comes resilience. We work together in harmony to support one another. Each person may shine in certain areas of the song, but ultimately, the beauty of the song is the harmony of it all together. steps down off of the soapbox

Pssst…Everything I say about self-care holds true for self-advocacy, too. It cannot happen in a vacuum; it is the community’s responsibility to ensure that people have the resources and access to those resources so they can, indeed, self-advocate.

• • “Bullshit” and other curse words. I love cussing. And I fully believe that there is a time and place for it. In linguistics, there is a concept called the language register. We teach this to our students to help them understand that we use different language in different contexts. We speak differently when playing video games with our friends than we do having dinner with our grandparents, right? So cussing is great and has its place. The issue is never cussing. The issue is that sometimes folks don’t know when and how to use it to its benefit. Someone should never be discounted as unintelligent or unable to do a job because you heard or saw them using “four letter words.”

• I don’t like to hold onto emotional or relational things. It makes me come back to them over and over and over again. 

• • I like to address things and move on.

• • If I say that I have moved on, I have.

• • I will also take your word if you say that you have moved on so please make sure that you have before saying so.

• • It is okay to say that you need some time to process and that we need to come back to it later.

• • I will absolutely ask for that time if I need it and will appreciate your honesty for doing the same.