AJ's User Manual

The Zone of Consent

We are giving a big ass enthusiastic YES! to this one!!! From FRIES to rings and yummy goodness in between, this episode is a full course meal! Angela loves to blow folks’ minds with her take on consent and Molly reminds us all that not only is consent a process, but learning about it and how to incorporate it into your life is a process, too. With detailed explanations from a variety of consent sources as well as lived experience and real life examples, we know there are lots of practical nuggets you can use today as well as loads of questions you might need answered…PS, ASK THEM at https://drudgeryanddreams.com/contact/

Mind Blown 🤯

“Consent is something that we do all day, every day in every aspect of our lives” (Angela, 4:46). This is a mind blowing concept for so many people because when they think “consent” they think sex. But consent is SO MUCH MORE! Molly says that understanding this concept is life changing: “It’s not hyperbole, like it literally—this understanding that consent is in every single aspect of your life, every moment that you breathe through life—it literally changed the way I looked at everything” (5:37). If you really want to Make Shit Happen, remember this: if values are the foundation of everything we do, then consent is what makes it sustainable (Angela, 6:56).

Would you like some FRIES with that

Consent is like french fries. “Yum, Yum! Nom Nom!” (3:37). We offer up some fries with our shake, Planned Parenthood’s acronym for consent: FRIES. Consent is:

  1. Freely given.
  2. Reversible.
  3. Informed.
  4. Enthusiastic.
  5. Specific.

(Planned Parenthood, 2022)

And, although that is specifically created to talk about consent and sex, we are reminded that, again, that this model works for every aspect of our lives

More to the story

Molly loves how multiple frameworks for understanding consent helps her understand the concept and be able to put it into practice in a way that works for her (29:52). Building upon FRIES, Angela introduces a concept from Uproot’s (corrected attribution) resources for consent. Consent is:

  1. Active.
  2. Based on equal power.
  3. A Choice.
  4. A Process.

(Uproot, accessed 2022) 

Angela really digs into the “equal” aspect of this one to remind us again that consent shows up in everything we do: “Now think about that. Because I guarantee you it comes into play all day, every day in your life, if you’ve ever worked. If you’ve ever gone to school, if you’ve ever been a kid…” (22:23).

Just roll with it

Lastly, but not at all least, we dig into Dr. Betty Martin’s model and book, The Art of Receiving and Giving: The Wheel of Consent.



(If there are specific references that you would like referenced–whether internal or external–please include that list here for easy access for social media, and inclusion in the website.)